The Best Destination is the Journey Itself

The Best Destination is the Journey Itself

“Life is a journey, not a destination,

There are no mistakes, just chances we’ve taken

Lay down your regrets, ‘cuz all we have is now…”

— india.arie, A Beautiful Day

Our lives are filled with lessons, hardships, heartaches, joys, celebrations, and special moments that will ultimately lead us to our destination — identifying our purpose in life. The road will not always be smooth; in fact, throughout our travels, we will encounter many challenges.

Some of these challenges will test our courage, our strengths and weaknesses, and the faith we have in ourselves and in others. Sometimes the obstacles we face are really blessings in disguise, only we don’t realize that at the time we are confronting them. It’s all a matter of perspective. 

Life is complex. Each one of us must make his own path through life. There are no self-help manuals, no formulas, no easy answers. The right road for one is the wrong road for another…The journey of life is not paved in blacktop; it is not brightly lit, and it has no road signs. It is a rocky path through the wilderness.

— M. Scott Peck

For many, the journey of marriage is primarily about having their own needs met. Some look to see what they can get out of a relationship rather than what they can put into it. 

As a couple journeys together in marriage, there are bound to be wrong turns, unplanned detours, even dead ends. The couple might get lost or find themselves in uncharted territory. 

At times, the journey can be a smooth ride or an uphill climb. 

No one can completely map out their marriage journey because life is unpredictable.

But there are things couples can do to make sure their relationship is ready for whatever comes their way.

Here are some tips provided by the Marriage Dynamics Institute from seasoned travellers to encourage you on your “marry” way.

Create ritual connections

Find something that represents you as a couple and make it your thing. It could be as simple as a standing date for Friday morning coffee and conversation, or perhaps Saturday night board games.

Rituals can deepen and strengthen your connection to each other. Some couples enjoy rituals that everyone can see, like wearing color coordinated outfits. Don’t laugh. That would be us!

Cher and Demetris (22 years)

What you say matters

Show respect to each other both in public and in private.  What you say about your spouse should show respect when you are with others, whether your spouse is present or not. And your words and actions toward your spouse should demonstrate respect when it’s just the two of you. Being respectful toward your spouse not only builds trust, it nourishes love.

Owen and Lauren (25 years)

Don’t sweat the small stuff

You will discover things about each other that will drive you absolutely crazy. And not in a good way. In those inevitable moments of disagreement, ask yourself: Is this a mountain worth dying on? Then give each other space and time to process things. But talk it out when you are ready. Don’t just stuff your feelings and move on, talk them through and move forward. 

Ron and Lloyd (53 years)

Focus on the good

Have fun and enjoy your marriage, but don’t take your relationship for granted. Marriage has to be intentional. Focus on the good in each other, what is “excellent and praiseworthy” especially when you don’t feel like it.

Dave and Mary (26 years)

You can be right, and oh, so wrong

Be intentional in how you communicate with each other. Your tone, your timing, and how you share your opinions and thoughts is at least as important as what you are actually saying. If the words you say are overshadowed by how and when you communicate, you won’t be heard. Remember you are on the same team with shared goals, so treat each other respectfully even when you disagree.

Bill and Deborah (34 years)

Listen and learn from your differences

You and your spouse may see the same situation very differently. So ask questions. Then listen carefully with the goal of understanding the other’s point of view. Use these opportunities to deepen your emotional intimacy which fuels connection. Differences can be real strengths in your marriage relationship.

Ken and Melody (36 years)

Be of good courage

We all make mistakes. In the marital relationship, there will be times when one or both spouses make mistakes, and these mistakes can place tremendous pressure on the marriage bond. Some mistakes are easily forgiven and for others, time is the only cure.

Robert and Stella (50 years)

“A healthy marriage involves many daily choices to focus more on your spouse than on yourself. It means choosing to stay engaged when it would be easier not to. It means learning to express love in the ways that are meaningful to your spouse and then having the discipline to actually act on them consistently. It means finding delight and pleasure in giving delight and pleasure to each other.”

— Scott Means, The Path of Intimacy