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Month: August 2021
When Opposites Attract
My husband and I are a lesson in contrasts.
I’m a morning person, he – not so much.
He’s a night owl – I’m in bed by 9.
In a crisis, he’s calm and I stress.
He’s the housekeeper, while I’m the gardener.
I like the sun, he prefers the shade.
He stands, I sit.
He bathes, I shower.
He wears boxers, I wear briefs.
He binge-watches new shows, I re-watch old classics.
He is a constant source of inspiration while I’m his constant source of irritation.
He has his way of thinking and doing things and I have mine. His views and ideas may not always be in sync with mine.
While we may be different in many ways, we share so much of the same: love of family, a passion for whatever it is we do, and an undying commitment to one another and each other’s individual pursuits.
These are the things that matter.
It is in these moments that I’m reminded that the purpose of a husband (or a wife) is not to complete your life, but to complement it.
We may be a lesson in contrasts, but we complement each other so perfectly.
“Lots of reasons exist for why opposites attract when sharing a partnership, one of which is the excitement of exploring the unknown. But, when you have too many similarities, what is there to learn? There’s little adventure or challenge, leaving little room for fun.”
— Sylvia Smith, marriage.com
Relationships are full of triggers.
Our partners will push our buttons.
Our wives will try our patience.
Our husbands will piss us off.
There will be times when their words and actions are unwarranted, unwanted, unkind, and, frankly,
unacceptable.
They will frustrate, irritate, and aggravate.
I’m not easy to live with. I’m fully aware that I have habits and behaviours that are infuriating and even intolerable.
My husband reminds me of these annoyances every so often – things I do (or don’t do), how I do or don’t do those things, even some of the sounds I make!
And then there’s my temper. I inherited it from my dad. “Like father like son” is never truer than when it comes to my capacity to lose my cool when things don’t go my way.
I’m impatient and anger easily, usually over the most trivial of things. I often react rather than respond when faced with a situation I feel I no longer have control over.
The running joke in our household involves me putting up a “For Sale” on the front lawn every time something goes wrong. Internet went then? Put up the “For Sale” sign. Furnace not working? Put up the “For Sale” sign. Can’t find the Keurig coffee filters? Put up the “For Sale” sign. The hubster gets a kick out of it.
I admit it. I’m impatient and anger easily, usually over the most trivial of things. I often react rather than respond when faced with a situation I feel I no longer have control over.
React vs. Respond
“When you react, you are giving away your power. When you respond, you are staying in control.”
—Bob Proctor, Life Coach
The reality is that in life we will come face to face with many situations and a variety of individuals — some will be filled with love and joy and some will be filled with heartache and grief.
If we react to these situations or people when they present themselves, we will continue to experience pain.
If we respond to them with an open mind and an open heart, we will grow as a result.
Whether we choose to react or respond to what or whom we are faced with will determine the outcome of the rest of our journey through life. The trick, therefore, is to see these challenges not as obstacles on the journey, but as opportunities. Not as roadblocks that will stop us in our tracks, but as road signs that will help us navigate the occasional bumps in the road.
Author Shannon Spaunburg writes,
When things don’t always go our way, we have two choices in how we approach dealing with those situations.
- We can focus on the fact that things didn’t go how we had hoped they would and let life pass us by, or
- We can make the best out of the situation and know that these are only temporary setbacks and identify the lesson we are being invited to learn.
Conversations with God teaches,
What you resist, persists. What you look at, goes away.
If we insist on focusing on the negatives, we will bring more negatives into our experience and miss out on the amazing things life has to offer. We can’t change the past, but we can learn from past experiences and live fully in the present moment.
“Seize the present moment as the only one you have. Drink in all of every moment and tune out the past which is over and the future which will arrive in time. And remember, wishing, hoping, and regretting are the most common and dangerous tactics for evading the present.”
— Dr. Wayne Dyer
‘Tis the Season…to be married!
After more than a year of lockdowns, restrictions, and public health regulations, happy couples are running, not walking down the aisle. Brides are blushing again and grooms are getting groomed for the big day.
Love is certainly in the air.
We’ve attended three weddings in the last week alone, with the pleasure of officiating two of them and being invited guests at a third.
In our line of work, we often get to witness nuptials from opposite ends of the aisle – as officiants standing front and centre or as guests watching from a distance.
It’s always interesting to watch and listen to our fellow officiants perform the wedding ceremony.
Whether it’s in a church or chapel, in an indoor or outdoor venue, the officiant makes it a priority to ensure that the wedding ceremony is meaningful and memorable for the couple, their families, and their guests.
While we’re all bound to specific guidelines outlined in the Marriage Act, each officiant still has a structure and style that is unique to their personalities and experiences.
We learn and grow by seeing each other in action, and even borrow the occasional joke or gesture. After all, “imitation is the highest form of flattery.” Our own mentor, Rev. Janine Plotkin, has been a source of inspiration and encouragement.
Love: A Tale as Old as Time
For us, officiating a wedding has always been more than speaking the words, signing the paperwork, and facilitating the formalities. For us, it’s always been about telling a story.
Every good story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. We like to walk with our couples from their “once upon a time” and make sure they take the right steps towards their “happily ever after.”
That’s why, prior to their big day, it’s important for us to get to know our couple. To do so, we schedule our signature JaM (Jason and Mike) Session™ – an informal meeting and relaxed conversation that allows both of us to connect with the couple and learn about their beginnings. It also gives us a sense of where each of them is coming from and where they see themselves going, as individuals and in married life.
While only one of us will end up officiating the wedding ceremony, we use this as an opportunity to discover whether or not there is a chemistry between us and the couple; a mutual connection that will make it easier to solicit and share their story. In a way, we gauge whether it’s “love at first sight” and “a match made in heaven” between officiant and couple.
“When two souls which have looked for each other for so long in the crowds have finally found each other, their union is fiery and pure as they themselves are. Their love begins here on earth and continues forever. This union is true love.”
The classic works of literature encourage us to be the main characters in our own stories.
Some chapters of our life stories will tell of suffering, disappointment, and loss. Other chapters will reveal moments of discovery, growth, and triumph. When our story collides with that of another, a new page is turned, a new chapter begins, and a new adventure awaits.
The Marry Men are thrilled to tell those stories.
During that initial session, we meet two individuals who have led separate lives, have had personal experiences, and lived their own unique stories. We also see two people who have a deep love for one another and have expressed their desire to come together and write a new story; two lives that will be lived as one.
Author Victor Hugo knew all about telling great stories. His epic Les Misérables stands as a testament to struggle, injustice, redemption, and love. In a letter written to his lover in 1851, Hugo observes,