THERE IS NO MISSING PIECE IN YOUR PUZZLE

THERE IS NO MISSING PIECE IN YOUR PUZZLE

Have you ever opened a puzzle box, dumped the tiny little pieces on a table, stared at the seemingly-insurmountable challenge ahead of you, but then committed yourself to putting those pieces together?

If you come from a generation before Candy Crush and Jewel Quest, you’ll know all about puzzles, even if they are a pleasure of bygone years. This analogy will not be lost on you.

At some point during the time-consuming puzzle-assembly process one of those little pieces will go missing. If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably spend a good deal of time flipping and re-flipping each piece and frantically searching your immediate area for the little bugger that’s gone MIA. 

You’ll convince yourself that the piece was never in the box in the first place; that somehow those puzzle makers took a pass on that piece, leaving you perpetually puzzled. Your will and determination to complete the puzzle may diminish. You may even find yourself forcing other pieces into the wrong spaces. They might look and seem like the right fit, but they won’t be.

You insist that the puzzle won’t feel complete because that one piece is missing. You’ll become so focused on the void it leaves that you will forget to applaud the patience and the effort that was taken and the time that was devoted to arranging, rearranging and, finally, putting all those pieces together.

LIFE: Some Assembly Required

Our lives are often like that. We can, and often do, feel incomplete when we think that something or someone is missing in our lives.Our task isn’t finished. Our job isn’t done.Our life doesn’t feel complete.We don’t feel whole.And so, we begin a frantic search for that “something” we feel is missing, but we forget to congratulate ourselves for the patience and effort we’ve demonstrated during the whole process.

Because it does take effort to be single.It does require courage and resilience to navigate the complicated dating world in our pursuit of that one missing piece.Ay, but there’s the rub. The proverbial “missing piece of the puzzle” is not really missing. It just hasn’t been found yet. If you continue to search, you may very well find what you’re looking for. If you choose to stop the search, that someone may just find you. That’s part of the fun of putting this crazy puzzle together. Staring at the void isn’t going to fill it. Wishing that the puzzle was complete isn’t suddenly going to make it so.

It’s often good to take a step back and look at the bigger picture; to see the wholeness that is already there. To look at what’s already perfect in our perceived imperfection. To recognize how much in our lives is already complete and to avoid focusing on what is not.

That feeling of absence is really a wake-up call that alerts us to the fact that we are disconnected from ourselves.If the relationship we have with ourselves feels insufficient or incomplete, then we must first address that brokenness before we can commit ourselves to a relationship with someone else.

“The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.” 

(Neale Donald Walsch) 

There’s a moment in the film Jerry McGuire when Tom Cruise is looking intently at Renee Zellwegger, tears welling up in his eyes, and he says to her with great tenderness, “You complete me.”

In life and in love we are often in search of that missing piece of the puzzle that we are certain will complete us. In my own marriage I have recognized the ways I turn to my husband to comfort me when I feel wounded, or to offer validation and reassurance any time I feel insecure. I rely on him to say the right thing at the right time to calm my doubts, ease my worries, and fears. And then, of course, there are those other moments when comfort and compassion, patience and peace don’t come easily for either of us. Sometimes we feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and unfairly criticized. He has his way of thinking and doing things and I have mine. His views of ideas may not always be in sync with mine.

It is in those moments that I’m reminded that the purpose of a husband (or a wife) is not to complete your life, but to compliment it. And in order for that to take place, you must first be whole and complete within yourself.

So, step back to see the bigger picture, step up by focusing on your own see self-realization, and step aside and let life’s puzzle pieces fall where they may.

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love someone else?” 

(Ru Paul)